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hey ya'll i thought that i would give you all an update on my life so fair this summer. well lets see.... i have been very busy with friends and my social life. summer started off pretty darn slow at first, but its definitly gotten alot better. actually right now im at Katy's house watching some scary flicks with Ryan. lets see lets see... i leave for New York in 5 days and i cant wait. actually i can i dont want to go at all. umm boyfriend news.... hmmm well thats certainly a subj to talk about but not on here.... u want details u talk to me. well if you wanna hang out before i leave please call me.When i get back i wont have much time for doing that bc i will have volleyball. Anyways im gonna go continue watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre... leave me some sweet comments.
-cam
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so its 1:30 in the morning and i cant for the life of me, sleep. i have
way too much on my mind. ever have a day like that? well im notorious
for it. i get myself so worked up and anxious about stuff, im sure that
there is a medical term for it somewhere out there. so im thinking that
maybe just maybe if i express whats running through my mind down i
might get some peace of mind. worth a shot right? ok well lets begin.im
a firm believer in the theory that history will always repeat itself,
just with new people. im sure alot of people would argue that, and say
that its purely conquicidental, but i dont think that at all, though
its pretty ironic that im not a big "Fate" person. i dont believe that
things will work themselves out, and i definitly dont believe that
everything will end up being good. i guess what im trying to get at, is
that people just dont know that about me, and if you do consider
yourself lucky. i guess what im really trying to get at, is that i've
put up a wall lately, and im very exclusive about who gets in. its not
just some theoreatical wall that can be penetrated with a late night
phone call either. everyday im finding myself getting closer and closer
to loosing the people closest to me. and no im not getting emo people,
i've been happily content with my life for the last few months.
typically when people put up walls its because they are either scared
of letting someone in or are afraid of someone finding something out. i
guess i can be a bit of both, and even though this has all been
subconscious for the most part, i really have no idea on how to go
about fixing it now that its happened. i try to be pretty open with
people for the most part. thats what i enjoy, i enjoy learning about
other people and letting them know something about me. the danger with
this openess though
is then
you give them the power to hurt you. now as far as i can tell, everyone
i know has been hurt by someone else at one point or another, and lets
face it, we're going to continue to get hurt as we grow up and learn
from previous mistakes, but i think what my problem is, im so afraid of
getting hurt that the "wall" is only getting stronger and thicker. i
want to be able to say that i can easily tell someone anything about
me, or my horrible freshman year but the truth is, i tend to give out
the bare minimum. only necessary facts. and being realistic here,
details is what makes a story interesting. so why not tell people the
juicy details? could it be that im afraid of their biased opinions?
maybe im too content living in my own fantasy little world where i have
everyone on the edge of their seat waiting for me to make my next move.
who knows, i sure as hell dont. i know this much though, im not happy
being this way, i want to be able to trust people again, and to let
people in. i dont know how i'll get to that point, but i want to work
towards it. another thing that i would like to change about myself
would be the way that im comfortably falling back into some very bad
habits. one of which and probably one of my most notorious habbits
would be the way that i "test" people. i push buttons to see just how
far i can get them to go, to test how much they care, to see just how
much they love me. its bad, i know it is. but its addicting. i guess i
have alot to work on, and if you read this and actually kept up with my
incessant repetiveness and commonly used cliches im very glad i know
you. its jumbled and it probably doesnt make any sense but what can i
say, i never make sense anyways. im commonly misunderstood and mispoken
for. but thats who i am.
-cam
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I GET
MY LICENSE
JUNE 15TH BIA'S!!!!!
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So i thought that i would hupdate this, before i left to go to a party.
well lets see summer so far has been pretty lax. just some sleeping
late, late late nights and hanging out with some friends. i think that
this summer will be alot better than last summer, and ya. thats the
goal. ummm lets see im going up to NY/MA at the end of june, and
hopefully i'll be able to go to warped tour with katherine, and ya
that'd be fun. umm volleyball clinics are back in full swing and ya
thats pretty exciting i guess. ummm im without a job, and i really want
a car and my mom needs to make my appt for my license. socially
everything is going kinda slow, slower than i'd like that is, but
considering im back into my old role as social coordinator i think that
my summer will be pretty busy. umm i like never see my bf and that
kinda sucks, im not even sure that we're on the same page anymore, but
w/e. ok well im out. i hope everyone is having a great summer so far.
comment
-cam
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hmmm well it seems asif,
im crazy about that
boy
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